Ladies and gentleman, may I present to you… fully nude Disney princes. The captions are boner-inducingly hilarious
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After 48 hrs in Florida I’ve seen 3 people have showed me their hand guns, which is roughly 3 more than I’ve seen in 10 years in LA. #math
Don’t know if this great idea I just came up with is an app, a comedy sketch or an actual business: Night Club Sperm Bank
Headed to Venice, where are my nerds at? Let’s make some memories. Andiamo!
Dropping change in The US means losing about 52 cents, dropping change in the UK means losing 38 dollars.
Got a free day in London today! Suggestions?!
A Perfect English Tea directed by @sandeepparikh and introducing the world’s new mega star @kavitacola
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Missed connections: You write the @Eat24 coupon code emails each week. I am the guy that falls for u little more after reading each of em
Please PLEASE take 15 minutes and watch this. I invite any opposition to this. Let’s just talk about it!!
A man took a shit next to my friend’s car right after she parked. Saturday night!!
The most selfish act of all is spam-sharing a time-suck game to your friends so that you get more game-currency for more time-suck game play
Who out there is polyamorous? How’s that working out? Asking for a friend, and another friend, and another and another and myself
I bet John Legend’s butthole has perfect pitch
Aaaaall of me loves aaaaall of you… except your butthole GROSS!
So Last Week Tonight is basically like The Daily Show but @iamjohnoliver can say fuck and show boobs. Sounds good HBO, I’m IN!
Really cool that they shot the first draft outline of Godzilla. Looking forward to the pass where they add characters to care about!
Is it technically illegal to use the restroom labelled for the opposite sex? Asking for a pervert.
I like that these Directv commercials imply that a dude had sex with a marionette puppet and that her genes are dominant.
Not twenty feet from Jon Lester warming up #sports!
"Ug I have to sit next to this super attractive Indian guy on this flight" -Person sitting next to me on this flight
Hey look it’s Cinco De Mayo, so YEAH I’m drinking bc it’s like independence… Something… Mexico or whatev—-TEQUILA SHOTS WOOOO
FACT: Hockey is the only sport that employs the use of a tiny glass prison
Boy, the phrase “you’ve got a sterling reputation” is going to mean something a whole helluvalot different going forward.
"Jesus was a brown woman. I catfished all ya’ll!" -God
Which holiday did you most celebrate today, Easter, 420 Day or Game of Thrones Ep 403 Day? There is no wrong answer
Easter? Hardly even know h—
My sex list sure has a lot of “microwaved honey dew” entries…
If you put “work hard play harder” in your Tinder profile and you’re not a bot, you should consider a career in being a bot!
You’re never as cool as when you errantly pull your head through the sleeve of your T-shirt.
Which one is Key and which one is Peele? Asking for a racist.
I think this Miller ad wants us to break the law…