This reddit find was a slow burn. I started out smirking and ended up actually laughing out loud to myself (I just can’t bring myself to say LOLing—sorry). This makes me want to try some of my own. (make sure you click the link before reading through my list, or else it’ll make no sense.
“How dare you call me a N- // -incompoop! It’s 9pm. Gotta hit the sack, I have acupuncture in the morning.”
“I’m about to pop a cap // full of Omega 3 pills, the vegetarian kind made from flaxseed.”
“Officer stop hitting me // with excuses. You’re inability to keep the riff raff off my bocci ball court will no longer be tolerated!”
“I’m the best at sport // coat selection”
“The man is always trying to bring me down // to the stables, but I keep telling him my best Polo days are behind me.”
“I wanna rap // with you about these employee evaluations when you get a sec”
“Listen Homes // & Better Gardens is my favorite periodical”
“Word to your momma // er- I meant to say “leave” word to your momma, her fruit tarts were to die for!”
“I’m shot // That Kundalini Yoga class was exhusting. Think I’ll go watch Leno’s monologue in bed and then pass out.”
And I’m out.
